Paradise
by MissJinny
Summary: GokuVegeta shounan-ai. Songfic, One Shot. Vegeta dies harshly and Goku realizes the loss of the Ouji. Paradise-Bruce Springsteen


Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or any affiliate characters. I do not own the song Paradise, it belongs to Bruce Springsteen. I strongly suggest you find the song somewhere and listen to it, it's sad and depressing sounding and it just screamed this story to me.  
  
A/N: ---blah blah--- are lyrics. ~-~-~- are breaks for flashback, ~*~*~ break for shift in story. -blah blah- are thoughts, and italicized words are for the dream and flashback I took a little poetic liscense to alter what the lyrics actually mean so that they blend to the story. For example, 'plastic and wire in your kiss' most definitely refers to braces.but not for my story. Get it? No.oh well.  
  
------ Where the river runs to black, I take the schoolbooks from your pack.  
  
Plastic and wire in your kiss, Breath of eternity on your lips.  
  
In the crowded marketplace I drift from face to face. ------  
  
Goku sat at the café, Gohan chirping happily about how Pan was learning to fly already. Normally Goku would have been entranced, laughing along with his son and commending him on his family and his accomplishments. His mind didn't seem to be keeping up with him much these days, only a layer of sorrow that weighed heavy on his heart and left a bitter film in his mouth seemed to keep him company. Goku nodded now and then at his son, he tried his best to pay attention and even pulled up a smile from somewhere. He caught his reflection in the window and saw how empty it was and prayed that his son didn't notice. The streets outside of café panes were busy, Satan City had a tournament coming up and the whole city was pulsing with excitement. Goku decided he wasn't going to enter this year, he still hadn't told the others but he decided that he would tell them soon.  
A compact frame caught his attention and Goku stiffened, kicking the small table and upsetting the glasses. Gohan paused in his story and looked as his father slowly slackened and watched as he blinked away fresh dew from his eyes. Glancing out the window he saw a small body running through the crowd and his own heart leapt into his throat until the person turned. No resemblances in that face, even the hair should have given their hope pause. It could never have been the Ouji anyway.  
Gohan watched as his father receded into his own head and waited patiently for him to return. Meanwhile blotting up the mess with a napkin and feeling his heart wrench as his father closed his eyes and a single tear fell from his lashes.  
  
~-~-~-~-~flashback~-~-~-~-~-~  
Kami but the fight never seemed to end. Finally with a scream and final flash the beast was gone. The smoking craters around the warriors smoked and an eerie calm had settled. Yajirobe pounced around the holes, depositing sensu to the fallen. Goku lay at the bottom of one of the divots, an arm and both legs broken. Blood was pooling slowly out of the compound fractures and Yajirobe had to clench his jaw to prevent himself from vomiting. He dug into the pouch at his side and his thick fingers closed around the last bean.  
Vegeta fell from the sky, plummeting like a cannonball and bounced off of the earth and landed again with a sickening thud. Goku raised his head from the ground, one eye swollen nearly shut and reached out with his good arm as if to catch Vegeta in his descent. He tried to call to him, to see if he was alright but only a small gurgling came from his throat. Yajirobe pushed the bean past his lips and Goku chewed it and swallowed, never realizing how slow seconds could feel. With bones still mending he pulled himself out of the crater and crawled to where Vegeta lay.  
The small Ouji lay bent in an impossible angle, Goku carefully turned his head and Vegeta's eyes were clenched shut and teeth grinding. He wasn't dead. A wash of relief ran down Goku's spine and he called out to Yajirobe but the potbellied man only shook his head and turned the empty bag upside down and shook it.  
"That was the last one Goku."  
Impossible. Vegeta lay dying, in severe pain and all Goku could do was carefully pull his broken body to him and flew with renewed energy into Satan City. Hospitals had always made him jumpy but god dammit his weaknesses weren't going to stop him. When he entered the emergency room doors in tattered, blood soaked clothes the atmosphere in the room seemed to freeze before erupting into code red calls and an army of nurses and medics that pulled Vegeta from his arms. Goku watched as they rushed him through swinging doors marked 'employee's only' and through the pendulum arcs he watched Vegeta being carted farther and farther. Goku fell to his knees in the entry and wept.  
It seemed an eternity before the faculty said that Vegeta could have visitors but only one or two at a time. Goku was antsy, wanting to push through his old friends and keep them away, scream at them to leave. Those damned hypocrites that claimed Vegeta was a bad influence but now holding onto each other in the hallways. Bulma and Trunks of course the first to enter but came back to the hall again after only two minutes, Bulma's face streaked with tears mumbling something about Vegeta not wanting pity. She clutched Goku's shoulder on the way by and buried her face in his neck, bawling for nearly ten minutes. Goku wanted to shake her off and run into the small room but he couldn't just leave Bulma alone. When Yamcha and Krillen came from the room, eyes wide and faces pale, Yamcha pulled Bulma to his side and nodded to Goku.  
"He-he doesn't look so good Goku. Try not to be shocked." Krillen patted his friend's shoulder and watched as Goku turned into the room.  
Goku's eyes widened and tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. Vegeta shouldn't be like this, this was inhumane, if he had left him to die in the wilderness somehow it seemed more fitting than this. Tubes, wires, stitches and plaster covered every visible inch of Vegeta's body. His face was puffy with ugly black bruises and Goku could feel Vegeta's ki flickering as he struggled to stay alive. Goku sat in the folding chair beside the bed and took in the horror. Machines pulsed, whirred and beeped incessantly. There were nearly a dozen different IV's strung around his bed, cotton covered wounds were tinted a rust color as the wounds they covered seeped. Vegeta grunted and one swollen eye slowly cracked open and Goku watched as his fingers spasmed as he tried to pick up his arms and pull away all of the repulsive instruments that invaded his body. Goku took one the nearest hands and held it in a gentle grip, forcing himself to look Vegeta in the eye and not let the Ouji see the tears that threatened to spill from them. The air tube in his throat didn't allow him speech, Vegeta instead regarded Goku with a calm eye before closing it again in exhaustion. Goku dipped his head and felt his throat close as his eyes burned with hot tears. Vegeta squeezed Goku's hand and the larger saiyajin looked up, one fat tear rolling down his cheek. Vegeta looked to the door then back to the only remaining full blood. Goku nodded and stood. "Okay Vegeta. I'll let you get some rest now but I promise I'll be back soon." Goku's voice was thick with emotion but he put on his best battle face before releasing Vegeta's hand and leaving.  
  
Before that evening had even faded into twilight Goku had returned to the hospital and refused to leave Vegeta's beside. "Sir, this is an intensive care unit, you can't sleep here." The attendant had been adamant, but Goku ignored him only snarling at him when the man laid a hand to his shoulder. The man jumped back and told Goku he would return in a few minutes with an extra blanket and pillow. Goku set the bookbag he had borrowed from Gohan at his feet and pulled a book from its depths. The cover was thick with an animal binding that Goku had never seen in his life. Imprinted in gold foil on the front was the crest of the royal house of Vegeta and the title below it was written in cursive Saiyajiagoe. Goku opened the book carefully, the old text squeaking with disuse. Carefully Goku began to read, his voice low so that he didn't disturb other patients nearby but knew that Vegeta would hear him. He continued for a solid fifteen minutes, the rich language rolling off of his tongue with more ease than he would have thought possible. At a pause the attendant in the doorway cleared his throat and Goku looked at him and smiled lightly as he brought him the pillow and blanket he had promised. Before leaving the man furrowed his brow. "What language is that?" Goku gave him a small smile. "It's our native tongue." And he motioned to Vegeta noticing for the first time that Vegeta was awake and watching him with humored eyes. Without looking away from Vegeta's face Goku dismissed the man with a wave of his hand. "You would never have heard of it." "Hi, 'Geta. Told you I'd be back." Vegeta's eyes narrowed and he looked at the book in Goku's large hands. Goku seeming to pick up on his meaning looked down at it then back to Vegeta. "I know you don't like people touching your stuff but I thought that maybe you wouldn't mind. Bulma told me this one was just kids stories but I don't know much Saiyajaigoe and at least this way I won't ruin the story too much. I mean I'll put it back if you want I wouldn't dare keep it anyway it's so beautiful." Vegeta grunted and Goku could see the corner of his mouth turn up slightly as he tried to smirk around the tubes. Goku smiled and reopened the book and picked up from where he had left off.  
  
Vegeta had been sleeping for the better part of three hours and Goku stared out the window as the sun began to rise. A thick forest spread out beyond the hospital and Goku could see a river winking in the early light of dawn. The squeak of the bed brought back his attention and Goku could see Vegeta struggling weakly to sit up. Goku quickly stepped to his side and raised the head of the bed with the buttons he found imbedded on the side. Vegeta closed his eyes again, he looked so much older and very tired. Goku turned to the window again but a sputtering spark in the back of his mind caused his heart to stop. He spun and clutched at Vegeta's hand. The Ouji's eyes opened but they looked faraway. The monitor's began to change, blips and beeps spaced too far apart. Vegeta reached out with fumbling fingers and switched the monitor off, the beeping ceased. Cautiously he wrapped his fingers around the tube in his throat and pulled. Goku shook his head but didn't stop him, only supported him as the length finally was pulled free and Vegeta coughed so hard he nearly retched. Lying back, Vegeta curled his fingers into Goku's gi collar. "Kakkaroto." his voice was a hoarse whisper and Goku watched in horror as Vegeta struggled to suck in breath. "What is it, what do you want me to do Vegeta?" Goku's chest squeezed. Vegeta blinked slowly, trying to get his eyes to focus again. With a small tug that barely moved the larger saiyajin Vegeta struggled to pull himself up and brushed cold lips across Goku's. Startled, but more worried for the dying man Goku pulled the small Ouji to his chest and muttered broken sentences in Saiyajiagoe. Vegeta's chest rattled and his grip went lax on Goku's collar. Squeezing his eyes shut Goku continued to talk to Vegeta as the monitors around him screamed and chaos filled the hallway outside of Vegeta's room. Just as before, the staff pulled the Ouji from Goku's arms and pushed him from the room. As Goku sat in the hallway, he held his face in his hands and in his mind he saw a candle blown out with little puff. The flame gone and all that remained was the tendrils of smoke that curled into nothing.  
  
~-~-~-~-~-~end flash~-~-~-~-~-~  
  
----- I hold my breath and close my eyes And I wait for paradise. And I wait for paradise. -----  
  
Finally, after nearly twenty minutes of uncomfortable silence, Gohan saw his father stir and blink.  
"Dad are you okay?" Gohan knew the answer, but gods if he knew how to help him.  
Goku nodded and gave his son a sick smile. "I think I'd better get going Gohan. I'm not feeling all that well. I'll see you tomorrow." Gohan nodded and watched as his father walked around the tables and push through the door. It had been almost a year since Vegeta's death. Gohan knew the anniversary of his death was close, the shorter the time got the more Goku withdrew into himself. Gohan knew that his father loved Vegeta, hell most of the senshi had known. They were inseparable even with all of the banter and cruel words their eyes were never harsh and it was rare to see one without the other. Vegeta had cared deeply for him and Goku for Vegeta, even if Goku didn't realize it until it was too late.  
  
~*~*~*~ ----- The Virginia hills have gone brown 'nother day, 'nother sun going down. I visit you in another dream. -----  
  
Goku puttered around at the small domed house until the sun set. The forest didn't seem to hold any happiness for him lately. Normally he could take refuge deep in the vegetation and fish and hunt until his spirits rose. Now all of the vibrant colors just seemed dull. He felt like all of his energy had been pooled at his feet. He didn't feel like eating, didn't want to spar, he just felt tired. Climbing the stairs he collapsed onto the bed without bothering to remove his gi. He hugged the pillow close and sleep pulled him into a misty dream.  
  
----- I visit you in another dream. I reach and feel your hair. Your smell lingers in the air.  
  
I brush your cheek with my fingertips. I taste the void upon your lips And I wait for paradise. And I wait for paradise. -----  
  
Swirls of gray rose from each footfall in this dream world. A void of color and atmosphere, it was just the same endless looking scenery of flat black. A presence made itself known somewhere to his left and Goku turned with trepidation, that aura was familiar. Vegeta walked from the mists the smallest of smiles on his thin lips. Goku's heart leapt into his throat and he opened his mouth to speak but closed it again and stepped toward the Ouji.  
Reaching out a hand, Goku ran his fingers along the hair at Vegeta's temple. Silk strands playing across his palms, Vegeta leaning into his hand. Goku nestled his nose in his locks and pulled Vegeta to his chest so many emotions swimming in his brain that he couldn't even begin to express them. Vegeta cranes his head back and looks up at Goku with unreadable eyes. His gloveless fingers prey along Goku's collarbone and goose bumps rise along Goku's arms and neck. Vegeta smirks and fists the collar of Goku's gi. Goku allows himself to be pulled down and shivers as Vegeta kisses him softly. These lips are not cold like the ones he remembers, but warm and soft. Vegeta releases him and Goku cups his cheek for a moment before they begin to drift slowly.  
Goku cries out, reaching with every fiber of his being to touch Vegeta again. "Please Vegeta! Don't leave me again!" Vegeta's eyes widen in surprise and he reaches out an arm and wipes away a stray tear from Goku's cheek with his thumb. Goku reaches for him but as his arm connects with his body it moves through and Vegeta's form turns to the gray swirling mist and melts away.  
  
Goku sat up on the bed shivering. He pulls his knees to his chest and rests his forehead on them. The sun outside was just starting to peak on the horizon and Goku watched as it rose with a mournful expression. He wiped the sweat from his face and walked down the steps and exited his house.  
  
---- I search for you on the other side. Where the river runs clean and white. Up to my heart the waters rise,  
  
I sink 'neath the water clean and clear. And drifting down I disappear.  
  
I see you on the other side. I search for the peace in your eyes. But they're as empty as paradise. ----  
Goku walked aimlessly toward the deep lake that held the monster- sized fish he had feasted on for so many years. The water rippled lightly around his feet as Goku stepped down into the water, smaller fish nibbling at his toes. There was a time when the small minnows would bring him great joy as they teased him, today however, Goku barely even noticed that they were there.  
Walking slowly into the depths, Goku felt his eyes fill with tears again and he frowned. The water lapped at his neck and with the next step, the land shelf disappeared and Goku sank down into the cool water and stood on the bottom, looking around him at the sparse vegetation and schools of fish.  
Looking up, Goku could see the surface rippling in the new days' sun. He could stay here, with the fishes for the rest of eternity if he wanted. They wouldn't bring him pain from death like everyone he loved on the surface would. He could sit here and drown, let the water wash away this incessant ache. The sky above him darkened and Goku sighed, little bubbles of air swirling around his head before rising to the surface and popping. A storm would match his mood so much easier than the sunny day that had started.  
A wobbly face loomed over the water, Goku's eyes widened and the remainder of his air escaped his lungs. Vegeta, haunting him in the day. The face was frowning deeply, the waves of the water refracting his face and obscuring any emotion that may have been there.  
-Go away! Goku's mind shouted. Leave me alone ghost, you've brought me enough pain!- The face disappeared and Goku felt a sob build in his throat and as it came out a flood of water rushed in. Kicking with his legs Goku breached the surface and coughed up the water that threatened his lungs. He floated on his back with his eyes closed. Droplets of water rolling off of his face in beads. The sun had come back and was biting into his eyelids. For the first time in a long time the sunlight felt welcome.  
  
---- And I break above the waves I feel the sun upon my face. ----  
  
A hand closed on his shoulder and before he could turn he was pulled along the water and thrown upon the bank. Shivering and coughing up the fresh water that was half swallowed from being drug along the surface, Goku searched for the culprit that had disturbed him. A compact frame was standing facing the bright sunlight, crimson highlights glowing along each softly defined spike. Goku shivered harder. "Ve-vegeta?"  
The form turned and Goku looked up at the Ouji, too stunned to speak and instead drew Vegeta to him and hugged him hard not wanting him to slip away again.  
Vegeta grunted and pushed at him, now hugging himself as goose bumps broke out along his arms. "Baka quit dripping on me!" Goku smiled then laughed. "Vegeta-how?"  
Vegeta smirked and pointed toward his house. Standing on the small slab of cement before his door stood Gohan. "Your brat has been doing some serious meddling. He spoke to King Yemma and even the Supreme Kai trying to turn deals. He has been very worried about you." Goku looked at his son in awe. Gohan had done this for him, done something in the least very drastic to make Yemma and the Supreme Kai agree to giving Vegeta a new life.  
Gohan waved from the porch and smiled to himself. His father already seemed to be reverting back to his old self again. The deals he had turned and favors he had called in no longer mattered.  
Goku let out a small whimper and crushed Vegeta to his chest, kissed him hard and muttered sweet nothings into his Ouji's ear in their dead language. A single tear fell from his thick lashes onto Vegeta's upturned face. The worry on Vegeta's face melted away as Goku opened his eyes and smiled. Vegeta motioned to the small house and Goku followed him, stopped to hug his son tightly, and entered paradise. 


End file.
